Living in Italy

20 Funny Bidet Stories & Uses

From sinking lego ships to watering plants over 20 funny stories and creative uses for bidets. Plus, an SNL video poking fun at strange bidet questions.

After writing an article about How to Use a Bidet, I shared it with a group of Americans living in Italy. The article sparked a lot of funny conversations and stories about bidets. So much so that I decided to share the clean ones here on ALOR Italy. These days a touch of humor that makes us feel like kids again is a welcome diversion from the all too grown-up world we’ve been living in as of late.

What follows are funny stories and creative ways to use a bidet that are all clean humor. Have your own funny tale or creative way to use a bidet? Feel free to share in the comments below, just keep it clean, please. Gentlemen I’m talking to you! Without further ado here are creative ways to use a bidet in a video from The Florentine.

Alternative Uses for the Bidet Video

Here are the funniest stories shared with me about bidets. Since these came from a private group discussion, I’m only including first names to balance credit with anonymity.

Funny Bidet Stories & Uses

“Once, when I was showing guests their room in our agriturismo, the little girl saw the bidet and said, “look mommy, a bathtub just for me!” — Pamela

“The main thing it’s been used for is: giving my chihuahua a bath.” — Camilla

“Our bidet is mostly used for sailing/sinking lego ships.” — Charlotte

Sandra shared this photo of her car in the bidet and asked “Am I using it right?” I mean how cute is this cat?!

“I have to admit, it looks perfectly cat-sized and is cool in the summer. Our cat was in there all summer long!” — Sandra

“The hotel had the first bidet I had ever seen. We went out to the market and I came back with fresh flowers and no vase to put them in. Yep, you guessed it, I plopped them in the bidet. My grandmother laughed, and in the morning the maids were all chattering and a vase magically appeared very quickly!” — Ariana

“We used it to clean our fishbowl LOL and my husband used it to clean his feet.” — Kate

“I have seen in Italy & no lie, a woman bathing her baby in it. I’m rolling my eyes with a laugh.” — Denise

“I was taking a group of American students on a European Tour…they used their bidets as ice buckets to keep their bottles of beer cool.” — Anne

“Great for shaving your legs!” — Alyce

“(I’m British.) Italians go quite pale when I tell them many moons ago when I was living in the cheapest, most basic accommodation in Paris I used the bidet for washing salad.” — Clarrisa

“One of our cats watched us use the toilet with head cocked. Then she started using the bidet. I think she concluded the big bowl was for the big animals and the small one was for the smaller animals.” — Mark

“I actually installed a paper towel holder over my bidet. I got tired of finding “my” bidet towel damp.” — Kris

“Woe be it for the 20 something who truly believed that the only reason for a bidet was to freshen up before and/after lovemaking!” — Carol

“My main question was which way to face, and Mom counseled that I face either way. She also left me the PH soap appropriate for this use. The soap bottle only says ‘Intimate Cleanser.” So, my mom wrote on the bottle, “For Exterior Use for your pisella. I guess she wanted to make sure that I didn’t use it on my face, LOL. Your article explained why that specific soap was necessary.” — Denise

“We absolutely love them. In fact my hubby installed one in our boat. No more fear of another toilet paper shortage. One Italian (I believe may have been French) explain how other countries that use bidet fell about Americans not using. If you walk your dog and pick up its poop, accidentally touch it with your hand, do you just wipe off the poop or wash your hands? That did it for me. Wiping with TP doesn’t really clean your bottom, washing it does.” — Jean

“When I first started traveling to Europe 30 years ago I really had no clue and used it to wash my feet after long days of walking around the city. I loved the little soaps and pretty towels the hotels left for you. Then I learned the truth and I’ve never looked back. But, I really prefer the Japanese style all attached to the toilet. Plus they have things like heated seats, varied sprayers, some even have musical accompaniment. I never understand the bunny hop from toilet to bidet!!” — Suzanne

“I use mine for my daily hand washable laundry. Makes a great sink.” — Terry

“Also fabulous for watering plants!” — Elan

Funny Ways to Use a Bidet
Water a plant in the bidet

Last butt not least 😉 a little bidet humor from the pros that’s surprisingly clean. If you’re new to bidets here’s the original article I wrote about the proper way to use a bidet.

SNL Bidet Comedy Skit

3 comments

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